Night 4 - The Establishment

I squeaked through my quota tonight. The best interaction was the last one of the night. She was painfully cute, intelligent, had a great personality...and she was a doctor. I now have her phone number...but not her name. Strangely enough I remember the name of every else to whom I spoke. Sometimes the world can be cruel.

Night 3 - The Gaff

Tonight I missed quota by a long shot. I only scored four points out of a possible ten but it was really really quiet. I will increase my workrate next week I won't let my sponsors down :) Anyway I learnt another good lesson tonight. At some point you have to pull the trigger and let the girl know you are attracted to her. I had a great interaction tonight with a girl from Los Angeles and it was painfully obvious that she wanted me to escalate the situation. Her friends had wandered off yet she was still there talking to me. Oh and she had her hand on my chest. I only had three words to say "You look stunning". However the words failed to escape my lips and subsequently she escaped my charms back to her friends and out of my life.

As a side note I'm getting reasonably good at putting accents to countries at the moment. I was talking to two girls who were a little standoff-ish so I casually asked them if their accent was South African.

"No" they said "But you're reasonably close"

"You must be Dutch" I said without hesitation. Immediately they opened up. They were really fun to talk to I would have stayed longer except the live band started blaring out tunes at a ridiculously loud volume so I went to a quieter area instead.

Night 2 - Bungalow 8

It was cold. It was rainy. I missed quota. However I did learn a good lesson. Get rid of social crutches. What is a social crutch? It's anytime you make a fake excuse to talk to somebody. For example, a fairly "safe" way to talk to someone is to ask them something like "Do you know any other good bars around here?". It's quite rare that you will ever be rejected by saying this but it is equally rare that any meaningful interaction will arise when you start a conversation in that manner. You have to internalise the belief that "I am enough". When this is done then you realise that you don't have to pretend to be something that you are not. You don't have to make a fake excuse to talk to the person. You don't have to say anything particularly witty or clever. Something I will work on for next time.

Night 1 - The Loft

This almost turned out to be a short lived affair as the gruff looking security guard seemed rather determined to interrogate me as to my credentials.

"Are you on the members list?" he queried

"I'm here for drinks with D" I replied

"Come on through"

Phew. Simply talking to people was not too difficult an endeavour. Having a good interaction however is a skill that I hope to refine. The coaches are all top notch and they are really helping everyone along. The funniest interaction of the night occurred when I was talking to a girl and she suddenly scrunched up her face and started peering at me.

"That's funny" I thought to myself "I thought things were going pretty well"

"Oh my God" says the girl "That's my mum over there...and she's picking up!"

I hit my quota of ten for the night so I'm on track for 150. The coaches have warned everyone that if things get too easy, they will put some hurdles in place to put everyone to the test.

There is no such thing as a confident person

The title of this post is rather cryptic so perhaps I should rephrase it and say that confidence is very situation specific. I am confident that I could sit down at a poker table and hold my own against a randomly selected group of people. I am confident in my ability to write about a topic in a lucid, clear and concise manner. I am not confident that I would be able to fly a Boeing 747. I am not confident that I would be able to competently represent Australia in the cricket world cup.

These are without question some rather extreme examples but they serve simply to illustrate the point that when someone is described as confident, one has to ask oneself..."Confident at what?". When people describe confidence, they are generally referring to a person who is socially confident. They are referring to a person who is imbued with magnetic charisma and a captivating stage presence. They are referring to a person who possesses a social grace that cannot be feigned, something that can only come from an unshakable belief in one's intrinsic value and worth to others. Something that I never thought was particularly important...until now.

The big question

So why exactly am I participating in this enterprise known as InterAction. Is it a thinly veiled excuse to meet lots and lots of women? :) Well yes and no. All throughout school I was under the misguided notion that I was learning to perfect the craft of communication. Years later I realise that whilst school was able to hone my reading and writing ability, it taught me nothing about the many nuances of social interaction.

Whenever two people meet, an incredible amount of information is subcommunicated in a non-verbal manner. Facial expressions, posture, voice modulation, pacing, body language, eye contact, hand movements and voice volume are all examples of non-verbal communication that can either enhance or detract from the message that you are trying to convey. As a simple example, if you are trying to sell a product and you look bored, you will never make the sale even if you deliver a perfectly polished sales script.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I don't fully understand all the subtleties involved when it comes to presenting oneself to the world. I sincerely hope there's a strong lesson to be learn on the other side of 150 approaches.